Goodbye FB

So as some of you already know I deleted my FB account. I have gone back and forth about doing this for a few months now. So today I made my decision and there it went. I am tiered of people commenting on all my status updates either on FB ,text or calling me. My idea of FB is just to keeping touch with others not try to dictate what others do with their lives. I go back to Bambi "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." It is not for us to judge what people do with their lives or families. I post pics and comments about my life not needed a response from the world but hey if I put it out there I'm sure more then one will say that's what you get. So I deleted it and as far as my blog this is my page you don't like it I'm sorry don't come on here. I am going to be me and say what I want. I don't mean to sound evil I've just had enough. I love all my friends and family but this is OUR FAMILY not anyone else.

That being said.... Our life is crazy right now Teagan is always getting sick poor girl. She now has croup and an ear infection. Thankfully her doctor put her on meds that only have to be given three days. I was so relieved about that, they normally give you a antibiotic to be given for ten days and with a sick child ten days is a lifetime! She will be fine though in just a few days and will be back to my happy healthy little pumpkin.

 I had a GREAT birthday! I am now 25 years old, all I wanted to do was go to the temple and we did that Saturday! so this is some pics of the temple in D.C., random fun in the sun. We played in the pool my sister bought for Dakota's bday. It was a blast we had our friend Merica and her son Jaxon over to play with us. Nice to get some sun now and again on this white butt. Dakota also got to go to her first baseball game with Ry and his dad. She had a great time, came home talking all about it! for days :) Teagan boo is getting so big crawling all over the place and pulling up on everything she can. When she is healthy she is so much fun! The girls get along so well with eachother.

Ashley Johnson and I.

  Dakota and Jesus at the visitors center at Temple

Happy Birthday To My Amazing Little Kota Bear!

Happy third birthday to Dakota Alexa Brown,
    My sweet girl a year ago today I was so blessed to have you, your birth was so easy (well painful) yet smooth you only took four hours from the time that my water broke to the time your sweet eyes met mine for the first time. I can not explain the joy and fear in my heart when you were placed on my chest. Yet three years later I would not change a single thing. You have taught me so much on how to be a mother,teacher, and mentor. This is a learning process for both of us and I thank you for loving me, looking up to me, and trusting me. I will only do what is best for you my dear and I will continue to push you to the best of your ability in everything. You can do and be anything you want to if you put your mind to it. I pray that you will become a mother some day and get to experience the joy and love of having a child of your own. I know it has only been three years and I am so excited to be able to have so many more years with you teaching and also learning myself I love you baby girl so much Happy Bithday Hope you have an awesome day!!!!

How many ER rooms?

       Okay we had a long weekend for sure! Friday the boy I watch was sent home for having a fever of 102. I went out to dinner with a friend, when I got home Teag was so hot. I took her temp and it was 102 as well and I could tell she was not feeling good at all. So I took her to MRMC hospital ER and the doctor came in asked some questions. I mentioned she had been pulling at her ears, so they check and said she did have a ear infection wrote a Rx and sent me on my way. I went and got Rx filled, the next morning I tried to give her her Rx and she threw up. She would not take the medicine and her tempeture would not break. We continued our day and tried to keep giving her the medicine. By Saturday evening her temp would not break still she had only taken in about 8 ounces all day and I knew something was really wrong she also had thrown up a few times that day.
        We then decided we needed a second opinion and took her to ER room at Saint Marys hospital (where Teag was born). They took us right in, it was around 8 pm that night and the nurse was amazing. I told her everything. They looked in her mouth, since she had been drooling a lot and keeping her mouth open. Sure enough she had blisters in the back of her throat. A virus called Herpangina, it is contracted through saliva so toys the kids shared or nipples, pacifiers anything!!!! She could have gotten it anywhere, I mean she eats everything :) The nurse said they have been seeing a lot of this lately. However since she was throwing up and not being able to keep the medicine down they put an IV in her little sweet hand. That hurt my heart so bad to see her in pain and stuck by needles. The first vein burst in her hand since she was dehydrated, so they had to re-due the IV on her other hand!! More pain for her and mama!! I cried, She was a champ though. She then slept for a few hours there since they were giving her fluids and something for her nausea. 


      After sleeping at around midnight they came in to try to give her pain medicine again (hydrocodone), strong stuff. She did take it, yet was not happy about it. They let her sleep until around 1;30 a.m. and then asked me to wake her to get her to eat. They needed her to eat some before she could be discharged. She woke up and ate about an ounce and a half. We were then discharged. It is now Monday morning and she is doing little better,still not eating well but she is happy much more. Fever is gone and not vomiting at all! She is still taking hydrocodone and Motrin every four hours rotating. She will be fine it is just a virus and has to run its course, they said 7-10 days as of Saturday so I'm looking at about a week left but we are over the worst part thankfully. Hope no more ER rooms for a while.....

Still Missing Him...

    So Yesterday was June 6th my Fathers birthday. I lost him October of 2008, it was extremely hard for me. My father and I did not have a great relationship from the time I was 12-13ish to right before I moved to VA. Okay let me back up so I can explain and you can understand.....
My parents divorced around the time I was 10ish and my father decided to move to VA for a woman he met online.... before that I was week to week between my parents houses. I along with my brother decided to go out to VA with my father, we stayed 7 months. My brother and I pleaded with him to take us back to Cali!!! and He did. He then decided he wanted to go back and gave my brother and I the option move back or stay with mom, I stayed with mom and my brother went with my dad. From that day forth my father and I did not have a great relationship and it only went downhill from there. I was angry he left and he did not like the life choices i was making. Made it very known he did not and we got into many arguments over who I was dating and the person I thought I was.


    I only spoke to my father on birthdays and holidays for years after that. Then while in college I decided I needed something new and asked if I could go live with him better my life. He did not think I would like it so he kept trying to get me to stay in Fresno. He then called one day and I remember it like yesterday I was driving home from working at Bally total fitness as a personal trainer and he asked, "are you home?" "No" I replied. "I'm driving home why whats up?" He then asked me to call him when I got home. I told him no I could talk then.... so he agreed and then said. "I've been going to the doctor and I need to let you know I have pancreatic cancer....." My heart dropped and I did not know what to say..... I felt I needed to leave to VA right then. He then proceeded to say, "They are going to do surgery in a few weeks they think they can get it out before it spreads." I asked if i can go out and he said yes my brother,sister and I would all be able to go out there. So next week or so we got on a plane and out to VA we went. My father and I got into arguments there as well and I pleaded with my mother to fly me back to Cali after his surgery, which she did. Months went by..


     He then came to visit and he had refinanced his house gave us all $500, he said to do something good with it. So I  bought a ticket to VA to move I wanted a change.
Moved to VA November of 2007 and that is when My father and I relationship took a turn for the better!!! I got a job at American Family fitness as a trainer where I met my HUBBY!!!. Everything was going great I was talking with my dad living with him even crying to him when I was hurting about Ryan. It was amazing to have the relationship I should have always had with him!!! I really took advantage of having him. I was leaving from working out again in VA when I got a call from him. He once again asked if I was driving home. I said "No I'm about to get in the car." He asked me not to drive but go inside and sit down so he could talk to me. So I did, he then said "So you know I went to the doctor today and they said the cancer came back and I can do chemo to try to stall it but there is nothing else they can do." I cried. ""Did they give you anytime?" I asked. He replied, "6 months" . I can not explain the feeling of hurt, fear,anger.....etc.
The following months I watching my father get sick, skinny and sleep his life away. It hurt to see him hug him I was so afraid I would hurt him if I touched him. I felt so bad, I felt so bad I could not help.... 
His wife was a evil woman who treated him BAD after getting sick, mean to him throwing stuff at him and he wanted to leave. He then decided it was time to go back to Cali with his mother (My grandmother ) so she could properly take care of him. I drove him to the airport knowing that was my last time I was going to see him. Saying goodbye hurt more then anyone could ever imagine. My Aunt and Uncle flew with him. 


    I would talk with him over the phone the next few weeks and trying not to cry I would tell him everything was going to be fine and not to worry. Everything would be fine!! Everyone of us will be fine!!! Just relax we love him and I remember talking to him the last time on the phone. He was worried about the truck and Josh getting it. I told him he will get it I would make sure! I then told him I loved him so much and I am going to be just fine. I hung up the phone and cried so hard, I knew that was it.


    Two Mornings later my Aunt called me around 6am..... I knew that it was THE CALL before I answered she said, "Tippy toes its auntie Cindy... your daddy passed away last night in his sleep very peacefully" and she started to cry. I dropped to my knees and cried, Ryan ran out of the bathroom grabbed the phone spoke to her for a minute and then hung up. He hugged me tighter then he ever had before and cried. My mother in law came in the room and hugged me tight too. I called into work that day and told them I am flying to Cali for his funeral arrangement's. I left the next day, I was so depressed in Cali all I did was lie in bed cry and eat pickles and dr pepper. I would take a shower and throw up stomach acid. I went home before the funeral since he was being cremated  . I did not go to the viewing I was to scared to see him that way.


    My Aunt took me out to lunch one of the days and asked if I was pregnant. She said she thought I looked like it. So I took a test that day at her house it came out negative. So when I went back home getting off the plain and seeing Ryan waiting for me was the best feeling I had all week long! I had missed him so much he was the only one who truly made me feel better. A week later I took another test and POSITIVE!!! I had lost my father but gained my daughter and I honestly believe it all happened for a reason!!! I miss and Love him terribly but I am so grateful to have my baby girl Kota. I know he is watching from the spirit world happy and seeing me grow up. Waiting for Ryan to do the work for him in the temple. Ryan has since gotten baptized for him. We are going back this month so he can receive the priesthood for him too!!!


    So yesterday was a hard day for me since it was his birthday, everything that would not normally bug me did. I tried so hard to keep busy cleaning the van, car seats etc. Yet every time I spilled the cheerios or could not buckle car seat in I would cry. I found myself irritated so quickly over everything!!! from now on I am taking June 6th and October 2nd off!!! For me!!! I need it to keep sane. Today I woke up at 5 am since Teagan decided it was time to party. And even though today was a early day it has so far been great! I love my life and I am proud of my accomplishments and I know my father would be proud of me too!!! Any who that's the story  hope you all have a wonderful day and weekend if I don't update by then !!!

Dakota Bday!!!

So Hello all!! We had Dakota b day party on Saturday and it was fantastic. We did it very simple it was pizza,cake and ice cream. It was also just come in get it whenever you fell and drink are in the fridge so help yourself I'm not serving anyone! And really it was way better then I could ever imagine I did not stress at all !!! I have anxiety problems for those who didn't know and I had no issues at all! It was treat WE had the trampoline up for the kids, play tents, tunnel, balls and water guns. I even got some of the adults to play!!!! My Beautiful friend Heather made the cake for Kota!!! It is soooo perfect!Mia our dog enjoyed her share of  left out pizza cake ice cream and Darts from the dart gun!!! The party lasted about 3 hours and then Dakota spent the night over her Nana and Papas house. So Ry and and I put Teag to bed and got to watch a movie in peace and quite. It was GREAT!!!!
 So the Next night While Teagan was in the bed with me...( Yes she still sleeps with me. MY CHOICE.) she feel out of the bed :( I felt like such a bad mom!! ugh So I've started to put her in her crib at nap times(2 a day) and bedtime. She has done great with the naps and at bedtime she sleeps for a few hours and then wakes up. I'm so sleepy by the time she wake I still go get her and put her in my bed. I NEED to break the habit but it is so hard for me I'm sooo tiered!! But I do need to stop. I need her out of the bed before we have baby number three (NO IM NOT PREGO).

Sunday we went to church and then over to our friends the Furnisses House for dinner it was GREAT. Mandi is such a wonderful cook!!! Chicken like at Out Back, salad, red skin potatoes, mash potatoes (Which teagan loves!) and probably more I forget. Then we had such a AWESOME desert which was some kind of turtle cheese cake SHE MADE!!! it had Oreo crust, chocolate and caramel in it tooo I LOVED it!!!. I had just gotten sick before going over there from eating 4 of grams rolls, Ice cream and piece of cake!!! TOO much sugar but I had to have a piece and so glad I did I NEED the recipe for it . Then Monday comes........ and Back to work for Ryan ! I had a day off from watching children all my kids did not come. I still had my two which was great have not had a day alone with my girls in a while. I got a lot done too ALL of laundry and lots of cleaning. Well I do think that is it for our weekend hope you all had a fun one too!!!!

I Cut Kota's bangs myself they are not too bad hu??? :)